Video Games, Drinking Buddies and Reading, Oh My! The three things I do that annoy my wife

Video Games, drinking buddies and reading were my three main activities before getting married.  

I played video games by myself, as well as online with friends from high school and college.

Drinking buddies, well that is pretty much self explanatory.  After work, usually on a Friday, a handful of us would get together and have a few and recap the events of the week.

Reading has been a passion of mine since I was a small child, and I had recently discovered the joys of an e-reader.  My first e-reader was a sony reader, and I was in LOVE.  The portability of the e-reader allowed me to read with the frequency and voracity I hadn’t had since middle school.

None of these activities are inherently evil, but of course they all have their pitfalls.  I know several people who have allowed video games to dominate their lives, destroying success at work, in school and in relationships.  I wasn’t that guy, though I may have been close five or six years ago.  Drinking with the guys after work could lead to problems if I were to start driving drunk, but that has never been an issue.  The potential problem with  reading, is in many ways similar to the problems with video games.  It is only a problem when it is the dominant force in your life, and the reality in the game/book becomes more important than the reality of an individual’s life.

While I enjoyed all of these things, when I was single there were no warning bells going off, nothing to indicate that I was going overboard with any of my “vices.”  When you get married, it is no longer solely about what one person wants.  Of the few fights my wife and I have had, most involve these three issues.  I do believe that both partners in a marriage need to be individuals, but the transition from a single identity into two, wedded identities can be a challenge.

The creation of a new individual identity after getting married is the path that I have chosen -and so far it has worked.  I still read.  I still play video games.  I still go to happy hour.  The frequency of those things is reduced, but they are still a part of my life.

The cost?  Spending time with my wife.  Wow, what a punishment!  You mean I should want to spend time with this person I chose to marry? Yes.  Yes you should.  Nurture each other’s differences.  Allow each other their own passions (I’m certainly not about to help my wife make dresses for her small business, and I’m absolutely not going to tell her to stop and come pay attention to me).  

Be careful not to return from the honeymoon and just go about your life in the exact same manner you did before you were married.  Aside from having children, this is going to be the biggest, most profound change you may ever experience. Let your life change!  Don’t set out to change someone, and don’t cling to every ounce of that old identity either.  

Be individuals together.