My wife and I have a very hectic schedule. I work every weekday, usually leaving at about 6:45AM and coming home anywhere between 4:00PM and 9:00PM, depending on what I have going on at school. Musical season is even more intense. As I have mentioned before, my wife is a PhD student and graduate assistant at MSU. This semester, she had class/work Monday-Wednesday on campus, then worked from home and did homework Wednesday-Sunday. Before we even look at concerts and festival performances for me and special campus events for her it is clear to see that our schedules are pretty tight.
Like any household, we have to maintain some kind of division of labor with household jobs that need to be done. We have four animals to care for, which means vacuuming is a must. We both eat and are committed to the Dave Ramsey budget, which means we do not go out to eat very often, so someone has got to cook. And we still have to get the mail, take out the trash, scoop the cat litter, do the dishes, do the laundry and pick up after ourselves. Keeping a household running takes some work! In actuality, we take turns with a lot of jobs. Who ever feels like cooking cooks. Who ever feels like washing the pots and pans washes the pots and pans.
But, before Aleece moved in, these were all my jobs. Of course, my efficiency at these jobs may have left a lot to be desired. Dishes? I cannot tell you the number of times I would finish cooking a meal only to realize that I had to wash a plate off real quick in order to eat. Or how many times I would eat in the living room, and instead of carrying the dishes the 10 feet to the dish washer, allowed them to stack up on the end table. Classy, right?
Anyway, when we were dating, Aleece would refer to things I needed to do (cat litter, fixing anything, grilling, etc) as "man jobs." Don't worry, she wasn't just handing out the jobs to me, she also took on some "woman jobs." One weekend when Aleece came up, she announced, "These rugs are disgusting, you haven't vacuumed them since the last time I was here! From now on, vacuuming is my job!" (I had vacuumed less than twelve hours prior to her arrival). For a woman like Aleece to be falling in to typical gender roles, I was a little shocked!
After we got engaged, the title of the jobs changed, but the work load stayed the same. Instead of man jobs and woman jobs, we had boy-fiance jobs and girl-fiance jobs. Maybe a little cutesy, but if you can't be cutesy when you are engaged, when else can you?
And then we got married. The jobs took on their final title. Husband jobs. Wife jobs. This time, the titles weren't all that changed. No, far from it. In addition to the general division of labor we had setup before, we have added some more frivolous jobs, and called them husband jobs or wife jobs just to get the other person to do something. My latest husband job?
Making popcorn. Apparently, it tastes better when I make it. (translation: It tastes better when I go upstairs and make it while Aleece stays downstairs to watch tv). Truthfully, we both do things like that for one another, especially if the other person is doing homework. Lots of extra attention is given during big projects. You should have seen me during Aleece's comps this spring - I had a snow day and waited on her hand and foot all day!
Why not do these things? We got married to help each other, to support each other. Going upstairs and making popcorn may seem mundane, but if it makes my wife happy, why not? I can guarantee that she does not like it when I text her from work asking for her to throw a load of my clothes in the laundry because I need a shirt for the next day (up until recently we have had a very strict separation of laundry - I do mine, she does hers), but she does it anyway. The point is we are a team. We are here to help each other out.
So, what about the Steve Jobs from the title? While we may be very good at sharing household responsibilities, we are still figuring out how to share technology. Try not to get sick, we have a bit of a tech overkill in our home. I have an hp desktop computer, a macbook pro, and a very capable smartphone. Aleece has a desktop, a netbook, an iPad and an iPhone. You would think that any of these machines would be more than capable of fulfilling basic internet and email needs either one of use desires during the hours we are both home.
Wrong. For some reason, the macbook is the computer of choice for both of us. 90% of the time, there is another computer/tablet/phone that would be perfectly able to handle the job that we are using the macbook for - but we don't want to do that! We are both pretty connected (especially on the days Aleece is actually working from home), so we probably do need to have internet/email access conveniently available in the house. However, the first time I started to get frustrated when she was on the macbook and I wanted to use the macbook I just had to stop and think for a minute.
Just like the husband and wife job sharing, we need to learn how to share Steve Jobs (or at least his products). It was far easier to navigate the household responsibilities we each wanted than to figure out how to share technology, but I think I have the answer. Just like doing something seemingly mundane (going upstairs to make popcorn, even though she is already up there, for example) for my wife makes her happy, so does a little bit of sacrifice from both of us when it comes to sharing technology. Does it matter if I don't get to check facebook for another half an hour? No. Does it matter if she can't update her webpage right away? No. What matters is that we love and respect each other. A little bit of give (from both of us) has gone a long way to laying a solid foundation.
Aleece doesn't come home for another few days, but I already know that Sunday night when we are catching up on a favorite tv show we have both missed while she is gone, I will gladly go upstairs to take care of my newest husband job and make her some popcorn.
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